The country of Freedonia has successfully fought off the COVID-19 virus successfully. This small European nation in the middle of the coronavirus maelstrom reportedly used free market forces to keep its citizens safe.
President Rufus T. Canard remarked on the remarkable story of laissez-faire economics and public health. “Did you know the invisible hand of the market belongs to God? He is better than a legion of unelected bureaucrats telling you to put face masks on.”
Once the government of Freedonia realized the pandemic was sweeping through its neighbors it took tough action — nothing. Privately funded hospitals had all the respirators they needed because that’s how capitalism works. The citizens of this nation whose motto is Hail Freedonia, land of the Brave and Free! immediately engaged in complicated statistical analysis and realized they had all better start practice social distancing. And best of all no one hoarded toilet paper.
“Unrestrained market forces do not create panics where people hoard items like toilet paper,” remarked President Canard. “You can look that up in any economics textbook.”
Citizens of Freedonia are proud of their nation’s dedication to Ayn Rand’s ideals, Friedrich Hayek’s economics, and a total disregard of reality. They point to how the Great Depression never depressed and their successful pay-by-the-minute education system. “The world envies how each and every enrolled student has their own coin operated edu-meter,“ Canard quipped.
Other less libertarian countries are trying to replicate these winning strategies. However, evil institutions like unions, common sense, and compassion are standing in their way.
“I dream of a world where people can do what they want whenever they want regardless of facts,” President Canard said. “And that will make the world a better place.”
In related news, an American televangelist pays for a private jet with sperm bank donations.
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