According to fashion mavens and interior architects Pantone’s “Classic Blue” is the “new black” for 2020. I beg to differ.
The “new black” for 2020 isn’t just one color, it’s several, and, the colors may just vary by state. Here in California the “new blacks” for 2020 are: Rolling Blackout Black, Code Red Alert Red (tied with Red Flag Warning Red) and Poor Air Quality Purple (looks a lot like Smoke Yellow, not purple at all).
Like everyone else the malaise of our new normal has affected me. It’s not the kind of malady for which you go to the doctor. There really is no pill or shot that will cure or mitigate the symptoms – constant snacking, inability to remember what day of the week it is, hug withdrawal, obsessive cleaning and, worst of all a pervasive fatigue and irritation brought on by non-mask wearing, non-social distancing morons. Out of all the symptoms it’s the last one that really sucks the vitality outta me so I decided to go see an energy healer earlier this week.
She was a lovely woman who reminded me of Hogwarts’ divination professor Sybill Trelawney only she didn’t predict my untimely death or smell like sherry, for which I was very thankful. At the end of our session she gave me a satin pouch of beautiful polished rocks and crystals to protect myself from other people. So far I haven’t had to throw one at anyone, but I like how this energetic healing lady thinks.
Also, I figure if the rocks don’t work I could, like so many other Americans, just crack open a bottle of booze, pull the cork on a bottle of wine or pop the top on a beer. According to Nielson, a consumer research organization, there’s been a 27-percent increase in alcohol sales since March, the month the “new normal” began for most of the nation. Additionally, Nielsen reports that e-commerce hooch sales are up a walloping 234-percent from a year ago.
Yeah baby, pour me somethin’ tall and strong. Make it a hurricane before I go insane. It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care. It’s COVID-19 everywhere. Come on, sing it with me. You know you want to.
Now I’m a bit reluctant to talk about the latest COVID related shortage because I still haven’t forgiven y’all for the toilet paper hoarding thing a few months back but against my better judgment I’ll tell you why that meat lovers pizza is costing you a few bucks more to take out. It’s the pepperoni. Yup apparently making American’s favorite pizza topping is labor intensive and the profit margin is thinner then the slices on your pie so some meatpacking facilities have decided in this Time of COVID when they are under such scrutiny as virus hot spots, to simply stop making this delectably delicious greasy sausage. Is nothing sacred anymore? I guess not, not even pizza.
Now if you’ve been furloughed or laid off your job and are looking for a few extra buck to pay for that now more expensive double deep dish pepperoni, you may wish to consider hanging out near the TSA security checkpoints in an airport. No. Really.
In fiscal 2019 travelers left behind more than $926,000 in coins and cash at security checkpoints. Forget applying for unemployment insurance or an SBA loan or waiting for that second stimulus check. Imma gonna go online and apply to TSA for a “spare change” grant. And when it comes I’m going back online to order a bottle of Herradura and an extra large double pepperoni pie because, it is 2020 everywhere.
